Bits of the flour mixture cling to the side, refusing their fate as a stubborn child refuses the inevitability of bedtime. Hurried hands turn dials to proper settings, 350 degrees Fahrenheit. It is your birthday, it has to be perfect. Your favorite. I don’t know what your favorite is, but you are my favorite so I will make your favorite. Chocolate. Chocolate is everyone’s favorite. So it will be your favorite today, just like you are my favorite every day. Please be happy with chocolate, please be happy with me?
I am so happy you are here, even though you aren’t really here. Your closeness is enough to make me feel as though I can reach out and touch the part of you that is miles away, the part that can’t be mine.
Happy birthday, I love you… scrawled in swirly handwriting across a hallmark greeting card found at a drug store for $3.25. $3.25 plus tax allows me to tell you that you are the best friend a girl could ask for and that I wish you all the happiness in the world on this day of days. And every day.
Bits of cake batter accidentally drop on the card and envelope, quickly wiped away, but still leave a mark, just like all the feelings I have for you dropped accidentally into my heart and were quickly wiped away, but a mark still remained. You are there, right there where I don’t want you to be, but love you to be.
I have tried to tell you on notebook paper or in a carefully thought out gift, wrapped with love and gold foil… and in the lines of each song I send to you. But you never quite seem to hear what it is I am trying to say. “I love you, too” isn’t said the response I need, not the way you say it, like you think I am silly and unaware of what I actually feel.
Nothing really works out the way its supposed to, except this cake, this cake will be perfect. Scrape thick brown batter into pans laced with flour and oil. Open and close the oven doors, 23-28 minutes until perfection is achieved. Unless we’re at high elevation, which I am. Sigh
Buzzer rings, cakes sit out, cooling like my feelings unspoken and unannounced.
Frosting covers imperfections and glosses over the general shape of things. I think my love might do that for our friendship. I love you, therefore I don’t care when you don’t call for two months, I don’t care that you can kiss me and say her name in the same minutes, I don’t care if I say I love you and you sigh like an old man sighs at the antics of a toddler, as long as you respond eventually. Love is my frosting. I hate frosting.You aren’t here. Your cake is in the bottom of a plastic bag, and the paper words proclaiming my feelings smeared beyond all recognition. It’s fine. You didn’t know. How could you? I never said it out loud.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
All I can say, I shouldn't say
I hate it when I get like this. It kind of sucks. I sometimes think I feel things differently than other people do. Like I collect all these feelings in the back of my head and then all of a sudden they all just let go and they are all there, really intense for a while and then fade back to nothing.
I am excited to go home for Christmas. This should be a great time for me to veg out and just enjoy being with my family. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!
I am excited to go home for Christmas. This should be a great time for me to veg out and just enjoy being with my family. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!
Friday, December 12, 2008
My 4's
4 things I did today…
1. Called my brother to have him come pick me up.
2. Washed my face
3. Made bread turtles with Asay at 1 am
4. Read some of my dad's Christmas present...
4 things on my to do list…
1. Register for classes... BIGGEST PROCRASTINATOR IN THE WORLD!
2. Ask for the Monday and Tuesday between Christmas and New Years off so I can go home.
3. Go grocery shopping and find a new cheese...
4. Perfect or at least, better my bread-making skills...
4 of my guiltiest pleasures…
1. Sleeping in until 3pm
2. Skipping work to go on a long road trip.
3. Eating Nutella straight from the jar.
4. Anne of Green Gables... books or the movies...
4 random facts about me…
1. I was adopted when I was one week old.
2. I am a clean freak with a messy room.
3. I am a closet 1950's housewife... at least when it comes to cooking and cleaning.
4. I have major issues with authority figures in my life.
4 people I’m tagging…
I don't know four people who blog...
1. Called my brother to have him come pick me up.
2. Washed my face
3. Made bread turtles with Asay at 1 am
4. Read some of my dad's Christmas present...
4 things on my to do list…
1. Register for classes... BIGGEST PROCRASTINATOR IN THE WORLD!
2. Ask for the Monday and Tuesday between Christmas and New Years off so I can go home.
3. Go grocery shopping and find a new cheese...
4. Perfect or at least, better my bread-making skills...
4 of my guiltiest pleasures…
1. Sleeping in until 3pm
2. Skipping work to go on a long road trip.
3. Eating Nutella straight from the jar.
4. Anne of Green Gables... books or the movies...
4 random facts about me…
1. I was adopted when I was one week old.
2. I am a clean freak with a messy room.
3. I am a closet 1950's housewife... at least when it comes to cooking and cleaning.
4. I have major issues with authority figures in my life.
4 people I’m tagging…
I don't know four people who blog...
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Where Does The Good Go?
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
~John Lennon
Life is always filled with these big plans for the future. You have always had them. When you were little, your big plans revolved around what you were going to get for Christmas or if your mom was going to let the next door neighbor sleep over this weekend. As you got older, your plans got bigger and grander. You came up with a dream job, a dream university, a dream spouse... All these great and grand things you were going to accomplish once you were free from the bands of living at home with your parents. Life would be perfect once you were on your own. You would prove to the world what you were made of. You'd finally arrive.
The only problem is that time has come and past for me. I have been out of high school for over 4 years, which is a truly scary thought. Especially considering I haven't even made a significant dent in the "list of things to do before I am 25" that I made when I was 16. I know plans change and your 22 year old life-goals can morph into something completely unrecognizable to your 16 year old self. But its kind of sad to think that you aren't all you wanted to be by this time in your life.
Life is tougher than you thought it would be when you were a teenager. I wish someone had warned me that life isn't exactly a field daisies when you are an adult. I feel that if I had been forewarned, I would either have better prepared myself, or ran and hid under my bed and stayed there to this day. I have a very good "head-in-the-sand" reaction to reality.
Oh well...
~John Lennon
Life is always filled with these big plans for the future. You have always had them. When you were little, your big plans revolved around what you were going to get for Christmas or if your mom was going to let the next door neighbor sleep over this weekend. As you got older, your plans got bigger and grander. You came up with a dream job, a dream university, a dream spouse... All these great and grand things you were going to accomplish once you were free from the bands of living at home with your parents. Life would be perfect once you were on your own. You would prove to the world what you were made of. You'd finally arrive.
The only problem is that time has come and past for me. I have been out of high school for over 4 years, which is a truly scary thought. Especially considering I haven't even made a significant dent in the "list of things to do before I am 25" that I made when I was 16. I know plans change and your 22 year old life-goals can morph into something completely unrecognizable to your 16 year old self. But its kind of sad to think that you aren't all you wanted to be by this time in your life.
Life is tougher than you thought it would be when you were a teenager. I wish someone had warned me that life isn't exactly a field daisies when you are an adult. I feel that if I had been forewarned, I would either have better prepared myself, or ran and hid under my bed and stayed there to this day. I have a very good "head-in-the-sand" reaction to reality.
Oh well...
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Crazy Princess
Once upon a time, in a land not so far away... lived a little spoiled brat of a princess named Harley Gleen...
Now Harley had always lived in the Castle de Gleen with the Queen mother and beloved father King Chuck, (that's short for Motherchucker) but one day, she decided she wanted to go out into the world to seek her fortune... so she got in the royal camry her daddy had given her for her graduation present and drove to a little college village north of her parent's kingdom. She enrolled in a school so wonderful, she could hardly contain her excitement when she called the King to tell him where he would be sending the tuition money.
"Oh Daddy dearest," she exclaimed, "I will be learning to cut and style hair at the beautiful lattice-board-decorated school of Bon Losee."
Her daddy, the King, wanted his daughter to have royal subjects, so he found her a beautiful little cottage with three girls living there, just up the street from her beloved hair academy.
"Harley, my dear little baby girl," King Chuck cooed, "I have found you a beautiful house with a room all your own... and three commoners whom I am sure are ONLY living there to wait on your every need. Don't you love your kind and wonderful Daddy?"
Of course Harley loved her daddy. She thought "I will never find a Prince who will love me as much as my daddy does."
Harley was so excited to have people to dress her every day and make sure her hair was back-combed enough that she just couldn't wait to move in. She arrived at the cottage to find the three commoners sitting on the couch, waiting to meet her. She couldn't believe none of them jumped up to assist her with her massive pile of luggage.
"Oh well," she thought, smiling widely at the three plain girls in front of her "I will give them a break this once to show them what a kind princess I am."
The three commoners smiled back at Harley and then glanced at each other, wondering what kind of shenanigans they were getting themselves into with this pink satin-clad girl with the hair so big it caused her to struggled to get it through the door.
As the months went by, Princess Harley grew more and more discouraged with the three plain girls.
"Daddy dearest, you don't even understand!" she sobbed one night, "They don't even backcomb their hair! And not one of them wears pink on a regular basis. I just don't know how I am supposed to feel princess-y in these horrible conditions."
Her father, King Chuck was very distressed when he heard the news of the wayward common girls living with his beautiful daughter. He laid awake in bed every night that week trying to come up with a way to break the contract he had signed with the bumbling lady who owned the cottage. When he was signing the contract, he had noticed little sparkles coming off the end of the pen the landlady had given him. He knew right then that she was a fairy and had caught him in a spell. There was no way his beautiful daughter could escape from the horrible cottage, if she did, she would fall into a deep sleep and could only be awakened by love's first kiss.
"I am very sorry my dear, there is nothing I can do to break the spell the wicked fairy put on us." King Chuck sadly told his sobbing daughter that evening. "I will do what I can to make your life easier. I am sending the magic birdies and small woodland creatures to live with you and do all the things those horrible commoners won't do."
Harley was very sad she had to remain in the cottage with the horrible, unfortunate-looking girls, but she was soon distracted when the birds and squirrels showed up. They had wonderful taste in clothing and were able to tease her hair into coifs so poufy and big that she had to crawl on all fours to get out the door.
Months went by, and Harley received news that her sister, her majesty, Princess Tiffany and her husband had had a beautiful baby named Bailey. Harley couldn't believe that she was an auntie! She pranced around her room all day and cooed to the birds about her new baby niece. She went directly to the royal market and purchased the finest silken baby dresses and blankets using King Chuck's royal credit card that he had given her so she would never want for ANYTHING. She boxed up all the baby things and tied a beautiful pink ribbon around the package. She called on two of her precious birds and instructed them to fly the package directly to the new baby princess.
The birds took off directly and were soon flying back, bearing 16 scrapbooks full of pictures of her new niece. She was so excited to see the pictures that she picked up her royal pink cell phone and called the palace, demanding to speak to her niece. The servants weren't sure what do to... they knew that the little baby was unable to speak yet, but after Harley bellowed out her demand to speak with the baby for the 18th time, they finally gave in and placed the diamond-encrusted phone up to the small child's ear... They could hear all sorts of goo-goo's and ga-ga's coming from the phone and the small baby was making faces like they couldn't believe. Apparently, a special gift that ALL princesses possess is the ability to communicate with small babies.
After talking to the baby for a while Harley found out that her lovely room at the top of the tallest tower in the castle had been converted into a nursery for Bailey. She just couldn't believe it... not only had her father abandoned her in this godforsaken village on the edge of nowhere, he had filled the room she had left, and possibly the hole she had left in his heart with her beautiful niece.
Harley had never felt so alone and neglected. She turned to the girls at her hair school to make her feel loved.
"I am only 20!" she cried to one of her new ladies-in-waiting, "I shouldn't have such a hard life!"
"There, there." murmured the confused lady in waiting, staring around at the opulent abundance of pink silken ball gowns and pink sapphire slippers. "I am sure your father, his Highness the King, loves you very much."
Harley was truly alone, she only had the birds and the girls at school to keep her company. She tried to put on a smiling princess face every day, but soon, it just wasn't worth it. She didn't even notice when the birds started slacking off and her hair lost inches of volume. She wore pink sweat pants and sweatshirts and really just let herself go. Finally, she almost fit in with the three commoners who lived in the basement of her cottage.
One day, feeling very alone and neglected, she wandered down stairs to see what the girls were up to. She was shocked when she found the local farm boy sitting on the sofa talking to the girls about his latest adventure. She found herself getting wrapped up in his story, enjoying how his voice cracked at the exciting parts and the crazy array of hand gestures he used while explaining how he had wrestled a dragon in a secret park far, far away.
"If only he was a prince," thought Harley, "then he would kiss me and have to marry me, so all my worries would be over."
Every night, Harley would sneak down stairs and perch in the stairwell to listen to the farm boy's stories. He noticed her one evening and gave her a wink.
"He must love me!" she thought, ecstatic. "We will be married at the end of the week!"
She immediately called her father and told him of her plans to wed the farm boy. While King Chuck was very disappointed in her choice of a husband, he already had a pure-blooded heir to the throne, so he said he gave her his blessing and told the Queen to prepare a feast and party to celebrate the engagement.
Meanwhile, Harley decided to approach the young farm boy to tell him of their wedding plans. She spent all day getting ready; picking out the perfect pink outfit and coaxing her flat locks into a large 'do even the birds were proud of. She waited until all the plain, unfortunate-looking girls had gone off to get ready for bed, and then she asked the young man if he would like a ride home in her royal camry. He accepted, as it was a dark and cold winter's night and he had very little desire to walk home.
Harley was so excited that the farm boy had said yes to her offer. She drove around the block a few extra times, knowing that if he could just admire her hair and smell her Britney Spear's perfume that he would fall madly in love with her and they would be married right away. She slowly pulled into the driveway that led to the little shack the farm boy resided in with his older brothers. As she put the royal camry in idle, she leaned over and whispered softly to the farm boy that she would allow him to kiss her if he so desired.
Now, Harley didn't know at the time, but the farm boy was actually in love with one of the unfortunate-looking girls that lived in her basement. He had come to her cottage every day in hopes of catching the eye of the plain girl, but had yet to succeed, as everyone knows, plain girls would much rather marry brainy men with bright futures, rather than brawny men with dim minds. He was feeling a little down and sad, so when Harley offered to let him kiss her, he was very happy to have something, ANYTHING to take his mind off the girl of his dreams.
After the magical kiss, Harley went home and immediately began designing her wedding dress. She had the birds working all night and all day for a week to collect the perfect ribbons and pieces of satin to create the biggest, poufiest white gown in the history of weddings.
Finally, the day of the wedding had arrived. She had told the farm boy to meet her at her cottage so that they could drive off in the royal camry to the Castle de Gleens for their wedding. Harley pulled on the beautiful white dress and placed a beautiful veil over the up-do to end all up-dos and waddled down the stairs.
As she came to the bottom of the stairs, she looked over the banister to see her Prince Charming in the arms of one of her basement-dwelling unfortunate-looking girls. While the girl and the farm boy weren't kissing, she would have had to been blind to not see they were sharing a moment. Harley was crushed. She stormed back up the stairs, leaving floating ribbons of silk in her wake. She tore off the veil and pulled out all the bobby pins from her outrageous up-swept hair and sat sobbing on her princess and the pea-style bed.
"I will get her for this! I will get her for this, if its the last thing I do!" She vowed, wiping her mascara/tear streaked face on her sleeve.
She then called her father and told him the whole story. He listened and slowly grew outraged as he realized that his daughter, a PRINCESS, for crying out loud, had been shunned in favor of a lowly commoner who was barely able to remain presentable and didn't even backcomb her hair. He swore to his daughter that he would avenge this wrong doing even if it took his dying breath.
More months went by and Harley took her time holding the grudge. Finally the time of the contracted living-situation drew to a close. The two most offending commoners, the one caught canoodling with the farm boy and that girl's dear friend, moved out a few days early. Harley could hardly wait to get on with her plan. Only she got a little distracted with her reflection in the mirror and forgot what she had planned. So instead of casting the evil spell on her old basement-dwellers, she had her father's servants pack her suitcases and haul her off in the royal SUV to the Castle De Gleens.
Once she was there, she quickly remembered that she had yet to get revenge on those girls for stealing her husband. She sat down and used the few remaining brain cells she had left (after excessive use of aerosol hairspray) to come up with the most devious lies she could think of. She wasn't very bright, as she forgot that, although they may have been unfortunate looking, the girls she lived with were actually quite intelligent and would be able to counter her lies with actual truth.
Harley had her daddy, King Chuck, call the bumbling lady who owned the cottage to tell her about the evil-doings that the commoners had conducted on her property. The bumbling lady was shocked and appalled that such lechery would have gone on in her house. She directly contacted the commoners and stated that if they didn't explain themselves directly, she would be forced to turn them all into rosebushes. Though quite shocked and unsure as to what they did, the commoners explained to her what had really happened and asked why she thought they had been so evil.
The bumbling lady explained that she had been told by his Majesty, the King, that they had purposely tortured the Princess Harley and should be executed for such crimes. But once the commoners had presented their side of the story, the lady, though bumbling, was a fair woman, and asked them to forgive her for misjudging them.
When Princess Harley found out that nothing was being done to the commoners who ruined her wedding, she was livid! She ran away into the back room of her beauty store and started concocting the most wicked and vile of hair colors to attack the unfortunate-looking girls with. While she was there, the young girls came in, looking for her, wishing to know what they had done to offend her so. She grew scared of them, because she knew they had done no wrong, and out rightly refused to see them. They finally left and she peaked her head around the corner of her back-room and asked the young servant at the front of the store to notify her father to call the authorities and have the young commoners arrested and beheaded immediately!
King Chuck was very excited as he called the girls to notify them of their impending doom. The girl who answered his call was a bit shaken, but presented her case to him and told him that she was afraid his daughter was a crazy person. The king became so outraged with the girl that he began ranting about how she was a horrible person to be so mean to his princess.
The unfortunate girl simply smile and hung up the phone. She knew that crazy people have no jurisdiction in the real world...
And Haley and Chuck lived insanely ever after... the end!
Now Harley had always lived in the Castle de Gleen with the Queen mother and beloved father King Chuck, (that's short for Motherchucker) but one day, she decided she wanted to go out into the world to seek her fortune... so she got in the royal camry her daddy had given her for her graduation present and drove to a little college village north of her parent's kingdom. She enrolled in a school so wonderful, she could hardly contain her excitement when she called the King to tell him where he would be sending the tuition money.
"Oh Daddy dearest," she exclaimed, "I will be learning to cut and style hair at the beautiful lattice-board-decorated school of Bon Losee."
Her daddy, the King, wanted his daughter to have royal subjects, so he found her a beautiful little cottage with three girls living there, just up the street from her beloved hair academy.
"Harley, my dear little baby girl," King Chuck cooed, "I have found you a beautiful house with a room all your own... and three commoners whom I am sure are ONLY living there to wait on your every need. Don't you love your kind and wonderful Daddy?"
Of course Harley loved her daddy. She thought "I will never find a Prince who will love me as much as my daddy does."
Harley was so excited to have people to dress her every day and make sure her hair was back-combed enough that she just couldn't wait to move in. She arrived at the cottage to find the three commoners sitting on the couch, waiting to meet her. She couldn't believe none of them jumped up to assist her with her massive pile of luggage.
"Oh well," she thought, smiling widely at the three plain girls in front of her "I will give them a break this once to show them what a kind princess I am."
The three commoners smiled back at Harley and then glanced at each other, wondering what kind of shenanigans they were getting themselves into with this pink satin-clad girl with the hair so big it caused her to struggled to get it through the door.
As the months went by, Princess Harley grew more and more discouraged with the three plain girls.
"Daddy dearest, you don't even understand!" she sobbed one night, "They don't even backcomb their hair! And not one of them wears pink on a regular basis. I just don't know how I am supposed to feel princess-y in these horrible conditions."
Her father, King Chuck was very distressed when he heard the news of the wayward common girls living with his beautiful daughter. He laid awake in bed every night that week trying to come up with a way to break the contract he had signed with the bumbling lady who owned the cottage. When he was signing the contract, he had noticed little sparkles coming off the end of the pen the landlady had given him. He knew right then that she was a fairy and had caught him in a spell. There was no way his beautiful daughter could escape from the horrible cottage, if she did, she would fall into a deep sleep and could only be awakened by love's first kiss.
"I am very sorry my dear, there is nothing I can do to break the spell the wicked fairy put on us." King Chuck sadly told his sobbing daughter that evening. "I will do what I can to make your life easier. I am sending the magic birdies and small woodland creatures to live with you and do all the things those horrible commoners won't do."
Harley was very sad she had to remain in the cottage with the horrible, unfortunate-looking girls, but she was soon distracted when the birds and squirrels showed up. They had wonderful taste in clothing and were able to tease her hair into coifs so poufy and big that she had to crawl on all fours to get out the door.
Months went by, and Harley received news that her sister, her majesty, Princess Tiffany and her husband had had a beautiful baby named Bailey. Harley couldn't believe that she was an auntie! She pranced around her room all day and cooed to the birds about her new baby niece. She went directly to the royal market and purchased the finest silken baby dresses and blankets using King Chuck's royal credit card that he had given her so she would never want for ANYTHING. She boxed up all the baby things and tied a beautiful pink ribbon around the package. She called on two of her precious birds and instructed them to fly the package directly to the new baby princess.
The birds took off directly and were soon flying back, bearing 16 scrapbooks full of pictures of her new niece. She was so excited to see the pictures that she picked up her royal pink cell phone and called the palace, demanding to speak to her niece. The servants weren't sure what do to... they knew that the little baby was unable to speak yet, but after Harley bellowed out her demand to speak with the baby for the 18th time, they finally gave in and placed the diamond-encrusted phone up to the small child's ear... They could hear all sorts of goo-goo's and ga-ga's coming from the phone and the small baby was making faces like they couldn't believe. Apparently, a special gift that ALL princesses possess is the ability to communicate with small babies.
After talking to the baby for a while Harley found out that her lovely room at the top of the tallest tower in the castle had been converted into a nursery for Bailey. She just couldn't believe it... not only had her father abandoned her in this godforsaken village on the edge of nowhere, he had filled the room she had left, and possibly the hole she had left in his heart with her beautiful niece.
Harley had never felt so alone and neglected. She turned to the girls at her hair school to make her feel loved.
"I am only 20!" she cried to one of her new ladies-in-waiting, "I shouldn't have such a hard life!"
"There, there." murmured the confused lady in waiting, staring around at the opulent abundance of pink silken ball gowns and pink sapphire slippers. "I am sure your father, his Highness the King, loves you very much."
Harley was truly alone, she only had the birds and the girls at school to keep her company. She tried to put on a smiling princess face every day, but soon, it just wasn't worth it. She didn't even notice when the birds started slacking off and her hair lost inches of volume. She wore pink sweat pants and sweatshirts and really just let herself go. Finally, she almost fit in with the three commoners who lived in the basement of her cottage.
One day, feeling very alone and neglected, she wandered down stairs to see what the girls were up to. She was shocked when she found the local farm boy sitting on the sofa talking to the girls about his latest adventure. She found herself getting wrapped up in his story, enjoying how his voice cracked at the exciting parts and the crazy array of hand gestures he used while explaining how he had wrestled a dragon in a secret park far, far away.
"If only he was a prince," thought Harley, "then he would kiss me and have to marry me, so all my worries would be over."
Every night, Harley would sneak down stairs and perch in the stairwell to listen to the farm boy's stories. He noticed her one evening and gave her a wink.
"He must love me!" she thought, ecstatic. "We will be married at the end of the week!"
She immediately called her father and told him of her plans to wed the farm boy. While King Chuck was very disappointed in her choice of a husband, he already had a pure-blooded heir to the throne, so he said he gave her his blessing and told the Queen to prepare a feast and party to celebrate the engagement.
Meanwhile, Harley decided to approach the young farm boy to tell him of their wedding plans. She spent all day getting ready; picking out the perfect pink outfit and coaxing her flat locks into a large 'do even the birds were proud of. She waited until all the plain, unfortunate-looking girls had gone off to get ready for bed, and then she asked the young man if he would like a ride home in her royal camry. He accepted, as it was a dark and cold winter's night and he had very little desire to walk home.
Harley was so excited that the farm boy had said yes to her offer. She drove around the block a few extra times, knowing that if he could just admire her hair and smell her Britney Spear's perfume that he would fall madly in love with her and they would be married right away. She slowly pulled into the driveway that led to the little shack the farm boy resided in with his older brothers. As she put the royal camry in idle, she leaned over and whispered softly to the farm boy that she would allow him to kiss her if he so desired.
Now, Harley didn't know at the time, but the farm boy was actually in love with one of the unfortunate-looking girls that lived in her basement. He had come to her cottage every day in hopes of catching the eye of the plain girl, but had yet to succeed, as everyone knows, plain girls would much rather marry brainy men with bright futures, rather than brawny men with dim minds. He was feeling a little down and sad, so when Harley offered to let him kiss her, he was very happy to have something, ANYTHING to take his mind off the girl of his dreams.
After the magical kiss, Harley went home and immediately began designing her wedding dress. She had the birds working all night and all day for a week to collect the perfect ribbons and pieces of satin to create the biggest, poufiest white gown in the history of weddings.
Finally, the day of the wedding had arrived. She had told the farm boy to meet her at her cottage so that they could drive off in the royal camry to the Castle de Gleens for their wedding. Harley pulled on the beautiful white dress and placed a beautiful veil over the up-do to end all up-dos and waddled down the stairs.
As she came to the bottom of the stairs, she looked over the banister to see her Prince Charming in the arms of one of her basement-dwelling unfortunate-looking girls. While the girl and the farm boy weren't kissing, she would have had to been blind to not see they were sharing a moment. Harley was crushed. She stormed back up the stairs, leaving floating ribbons of silk in her wake. She tore off the veil and pulled out all the bobby pins from her outrageous up-swept hair and sat sobbing on her princess and the pea-style bed.
"I will get her for this! I will get her for this, if its the last thing I do!" She vowed, wiping her mascara/tear streaked face on her sleeve.
She then called her father and told him the whole story. He listened and slowly grew outraged as he realized that his daughter, a PRINCESS, for crying out loud, had been shunned in favor of a lowly commoner who was barely able to remain presentable and didn't even backcomb her hair. He swore to his daughter that he would avenge this wrong doing even if it took his dying breath.
More months went by and Harley took her time holding the grudge. Finally the time of the contracted living-situation drew to a close. The two most offending commoners, the one caught canoodling with the farm boy and that girl's dear friend, moved out a few days early. Harley could hardly wait to get on with her plan. Only she got a little distracted with her reflection in the mirror and forgot what she had planned. So instead of casting the evil spell on her old basement-dwellers, she had her father's servants pack her suitcases and haul her off in the royal SUV to the Castle De Gleens.
Once she was there, she quickly remembered that she had yet to get revenge on those girls for stealing her husband. She sat down and used the few remaining brain cells she had left (after excessive use of aerosol hairspray) to come up with the most devious lies she could think of. She wasn't very bright, as she forgot that, although they may have been unfortunate looking, the girls she lived with were actually quite intelligent and would be able to counter her lies with actual truth.
Harley had her daddy, King Chuck, call the bumbling lady who owned the cottage to tell her about the evil-doings that the commoners had conducted on her property. The bumbling lady was shocked and appalled that such lechery would have gone on in her house. She directly contacted the commoners and stated that if they didn't explain themselves directly, she would be forced to turn them all into rosebushes. Though quite shocked and unsure as to what they did, the commoners explained to her what had really happened and asked why she thought they had been so evil.
The bumbling lady explained that she had been told by his Majesty, the King, that they had purposely tortured the Princess Harley and should be executed for such crimes. But once the commoners had presented their side of the story, the lady, though bumbling, was a fair woman, and asked them to forgive her for misjudging them.
When Princess Harley found out that nothing was being done to the commoners who ruined her wedding, she was livid! She ran away into the back room of her beauty store and started concocting the most wicked and vile of hair colors to attack the unfortunate-looking girls with. While she was there, the young girls came in, looking for her, wishing to know what they had done to offend her so. She grew scared of them, because she knew they had done no wrong, and out rightly refused to see them. They finally left and she peaked her head around the corner of her back-room and asked the young servant at the front of the store to notify her father to call the authorities and have the young commoners arrested and beheaded immediately!
King Chuck was very excited as he called the girls to notify them of their impending doom. The girl who answered his call was a bit shaken, but presented her case to him and told him that she was afraid his daughter was a crazy person. The king became so outraged with the girl that he began ranting about how she was a horrible person to be so mean to his princess.
The unfortunate girl simply smile and hung up the phone. She knew that crazy people have no jurisdiction in the real world...
And Haley and Chuck lived insanely ever after... the end!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
ABCs allow for consistent "Utah-style" blogging
A- Animal of choice? Domesticated animals... a bird or something equally low-maintenance... Wild animals... Giraffes, they're tall and awkward.
B- Born? July 31st
D- Date of Choice? Low-key is always best... if you try too hard, things get awkward. Cliches are always good... dinner/walk/movie... creativity is cool... but I look for conversation skills rather than a smoke and mirrors routine...
E- Essential Items? A good read... music... friends and family
F- Favorite Foods? Tacos from Tacos Rosa in Casas
G- Gas or Diesel? Um... depends on the vehicle...
H- Hobbies? swimming... soccer... handyman work around the apartment... since none of my roommates are the hammer/nails type..
I- favorite ice cream? Chocolate seduction
J- current job? legal assistant/Real-estate receptionist
K- Kids? They are cute... when well-supervised. I might have a couple some day...
L- Last vacation? Jackson Hole weekend getaway with the fam... So nice to canoe around Jenny Lake and spend quality hang-time with my younger sibs.
M- Morning person or Night owl? A bit of both... 9am rolls around these days, and I am wide awake.
N- Number of Siblings? 5, four brothers and a sister thrown in the mix.
O- OCD or Sloppy? Happy medium... bordering OCD
P- Pet peeves? Socks and sandals, people that think the sun shines out places it doesn't
Q- Quiet or Loud? a few years ago, I would have answered loud.. but unless its just me and a few friends feeling crazy, I prefer a quieter scene.
R- Restaurants? Fine enough... but chances are, I can whip up a meaner porcini mushroom risotto or makizushi than most chains out there.. so why spend the extra dough when you can eat at home?
S- Sports? Volleyball/soccer
T- Tight wad or Spender? Middle leaning towards spendy...
U- Unknown Fact? I hate the feeling of getting water in my ears almost more than any other feeling...
V- Vegetables? YUM! MUSHROOMS ROCK! FRESH GREEN BEANS ARE UP THERE TOO!
W- Worst Habit? From time to time I lapse into an unavoidable and impenetrable bout of self-absorption
X- xtra curricular activities? Gym/fluff TV/girl talk/Midnight CNN
Y- Your favorite things about yourself? Physically-speaking, probably my eyes and mouth. I have a pretty killer brain too. Personality-wise, I would go with the fact that I am a good friend and older sister, and I am loyal to a fault.
Z- Zodiac Sign? Leo... yay.
B- Born? July 31st
D- Date of Choice? Low-key is always best... if you try too hard, things get awkward. Cliches are always good... dinner/walk/movie... creativity is cool... but I look for conversation skills rather than a smoke and mirrors routine...
E- Essential Items? A good read... music... friends and family
F- Favorite Foods? Tacos from Tacos Rosa in Casas
G- Gas or Diesel? Um... depends on the vehicle...
H- Hobbies? swimming... soccer... handyman work around the apartment... since none of my roommates are the hammer/nails type..
I- favorite ice cream? Chocolate seduction
J- current job? legal assistant/Real-estate receptionist
K- Kids? They are cute... when well-supervised. I might have a couple some day...
L- Last vacation? Jackson Hole weekend getaway with the fam... So nice to canoe around Jenny Lake and spend quality hang-time with my younger sibs.
M- Morning person or Night owl? A bit of both... 9am rolls around these days, and I am wide awake.
N- Number of Siblings? 5, four brothers and a sister thrown in the mix.
O- OCD or Sloppy? Happy medium... bordering OCD
P- Pet peeves? Socks and sandals, people that think the sun shines out places it doesn't
Q- Quiet or Loud? a few years ago, I would have answered loud.. but unless its just me and a few friends feeling crazy, I prefer a quieter scene.
R- Restaurants? Fine enough... but chances are, I can whip up a meaner porcini mushroom risotto or makizushi than most chains out there.. so why spend the extra dough when you can eat at home?
S- Sports? Volleyball/soccer
T- Tight wad or Spender? Middle leaning towards spendy...
U- Unknown Fact? I hate the feeling of getting water in my ears almost more than any other feeling...
V- Vegetables? YUM! MUSHROOMS ROCK! FRESH GREEN BEANS ARE UP THERE TOO!
W- Worst Habit? From time to time I lapse into an unavoidable and impenetrable bout of self-absorption
X- xtra curricular activities? Gym/fluff TV/girl talk/Midnight CNN
Y- Your favorite things about yourself? Physically-speaking, probably my eyes and mouth. I have a pretty killer brain too. Personality-wise, I would go with the fact that I am a good friend and older sister, and I am loyal to a fault.
Z- Zodiac Sign? Leo... yay.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Instructions on Living from The Dalai Lama
I read this the other day and just fell in love with it. Its some great advice from a truly wise person. I hope you enjoy the advice as much as I do.
Instructions for Life
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
Respect for self
Respect for others
Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute ruin a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to chance, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go some place you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is the one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
~The Dalai Lama
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
